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I Wish She Is Not So Closed! How Can I Help Her before It Is Too Late?!

By Yumna M

Have you ever felt that distance is prevailing between you and your partner?

Do frowns appear on her forehead and her face tightens up when you ask how she feels?

Is she telling you, “There is nothing to worry about, I will be ok?”

Does she share very little about herself?

If yes, then these are a few signs that she is being closed, or is a closed woman by nature.

What does “Closed” mean?

Closed is a term applied to people who are reluctant to share their feelings and thoughts with others.

How does the term “closed” apply to women?

The term applies to women based on the response they give when they are asked to talk about something or try to fix a problem/s by communicating. Some sample responses are;

Use of distancing sentences, such as:

· I don’t care!

· I don’t want a relationship!

· Leave me alone!

· I am poor at texting!

Sentences that exhibit she is avoiding communication or sharing her thoughts or plans, are;

· I will let you know…

· I will think about it…

· Maybe…

· I am fine.

What Kind of Behavior would she show?

As she is not saying out loud what she feels and what she wants, unwantedly she is stressing herself out by keeping it all to her. Things happening against her wish, pressure from work or life, or both that she opts to keep to herself would make her explode out in bouts of anger, and frustration. She might cry and shout!

How to deal with a closed woman?

A closed woman is like a closed system. Just as the latter doesn’t let anything enter or leave it, a closed woman won’t open up about her feelings and expectations related to anything or anyone, such as a person, her life, her feelings, her emotions, and her relationship!!

While dealing with such a woman, a man needs to acquire a mindset that would prevent him from putting down fire with fire.

He needs to keep in mind;

1. Anger will make the matter worst.

2. Argument is not a solution.

3. Keep matters superficial and move on.

A man is the symbol of strength in a relationship. He is the rock that will support her when she is broken. The woman will feel relaxed and more comfortable as she learns she is understood by her man and feels heard.

If the efforts are kept going, she would turn to you, talk, and listen.

Patience and resilience are the keys!

What would be the results?

As a man, who wants her to open up to him, trust him, and share her thoughts and feelings with him, you have to listen to her. You have to be like the blank page of a diary where she expresses herself openly, without any fear of being;

· Criticized

· Intimidated

· Shut up

Avoid interrupting her. Just listen.

Once she expresses she has unloaded herself, calm her.

Analyze her problems. You do not need to come up with a solution. Take your time, and let her have hers.

Create a calm environment.

Men and women communicate differently.

Women solve their problems through talking while men tend to hide in their man cave and they like to be left alone.

Even if she says "I am fine", it is her way to see if you care enough to know~. She wants you to know what to do!

She doesn't want to teach you how to be a man.

Men tend to use logic & reason to communicate therefore they always try to solve women's problem whenever they hear their complains.

But most of the time they want you to listen unless they asked for your opinion.

Don't try to win an argument, even if you win, you’ll lose.

When she brings up things from the past that you thought they were already resolved,

She is simply saying:

"You hurt me now in the same way you did before". Women use relational examples to communicate their feelings.

She needs to feel safe and comfortable enough to trust you care to let her guard down and open up to you.

Listen to understand not to reply~

In relationship, when communications start to fade, everything else follows~

The gist of it:

1. Be your woman’s rock.

2. Avoid anger and argument.

3. Stand by her till the end as she won’t say it but this is what she needs.

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